Well, I’m on my way back to grad school city for my defense. I want to crawl in a hole and hide. Seriously. I can’t shake the feeling I’m not going to pass and that’s really going to be embarassing since everyone keeps telling me that everyone passes. Nothing anyone says helps. I know it’s illogical, but I can’t stop thinking it.
I sent my thesis to my committee and already they have comments. The intro is not broad enough, they say. And they want more in the future directions. Oy. I feel as though this is not a good sign. I think the problem is that they are thinking about this thiesis in terms of me having about a year to write it. But, what they are not considering is that I spent a lot of that time curled up in a ball on my bed. Depression will do that to you.
So, here I am, nervous, thinking about what to add to my thesis, hoping my defense talk doesn’t suck too much (though I’m going to have a practice talk tomorrow which will hopefully help the talk). All this last week, I’ve been on the verge of calling up my committee and saying, “Never mind, I can’t do this, sorry.” I don’t really feel a sense of anxiety, just dread.
Oh, and I just realized I forgot to pack the DNA scarf for my advisor. Fortunately, Husband is arriving later in the week so I can ask him to bring it!