Still Alive

State of the Thesis

  • Abstract–95% complete, waiting for comments from Advisor
  • Chapter 1–95% complete, needs a figure and some formatting changes
  • Chapter 2–90% complete, still waiting to hear back from Advisor on this one, for some reason, it’s taking him a long time to get this chapter to me, probably because he’s looking at it as a journal article, not my thesis chapter
  • Chapter 3–98% complete, needs some formatting changes
  • Appendix A–50% complete, needs materials and methods section, and to be sent to Advisor for comments
  • Appendix B–90% complete, waiting for comments from Advisor
  • References–70% complete
  • Table of Contents–not started
  • List of Figures–not started
  • Acknowlegements–not started

I’m trying to get my defense scheduled for the last week in April.  That means I need to get my thesis to my committee by April 12 at the latest (departmental rules).  Since I’ll be shipping my thesis, my actual due date is a little earlier than that.  I’m still not sure how I’m going to get 4 copies of my thesis, my little inkjet would die if I tried to make it spit out that many pages.  Probably, I will go to Kinkos.  So, let’s say my due date is April 5.  I think I’m in pretty good shape as long as Advisor gets back to me relatively soon with the comments on the chapters I need.

State of the Mind

Improving.  I still get anxious and a little ill thinking about my defense.  My depression has been holding on for dear life and stubbornly refuses to go away, even with medication changes.  However, we did make one change recently that improved things somewhat.  Enough that I feel a noticeable difference.  But, I’m still not 100% better.  I spend a significant part of the day just laying down doing nothing, especially on days like today when it’s rainy all day.  As you can see from the State of the Thesis, I have been working on my thesis a little every day.  It’s not as much as I would like and for awhile I was really worried I wouldn’t make it to graduate this quarter (which I MUST do because I’m paying my own tuition and can’t afford another quarter).  But, recently I’ve been more optimistic about actually getting done.

The soul-crushing anxiety I was feeling before has gone away.  That’s not to say I feel no anxiety at all, just that it’s a small amount compared to what I was feeling before.  At least I can leave the house and I’m not spending time curled up into a ball crying because I’m scared of just about everything.  So, overall that’s a huge improvement.

I’m seeing a new psychiatrist this Monday.  It’s going to be interesting.  I’ve only had one psychiatrist and I started seeing her in 2001 so it’s going to be very strange to see someone else.  Also, I don’t want to give up my current doc.  So much has changed in my life over the last year, having the same doctor has really given me a sense of stability.  Also, she is fabulous.  I know I need someone here because phone appointments aren’t the best method of treatment.  But, that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Totally Random

Can anybody recommend a good CD of harpsichord music?  I’m wearing out the one that I have.

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3 thoughts on “Still Alive

  1. Glad to “see” you again, and it looks like you’ve made tons of progress on your thesis! Congrats!

    And how wonderful that your state of mind has improved. Just think how much better you’ll feel after your defense 🙂 Good luck with your new psychiatrist!

    I’ve been reading this book called The Worry Cure – not sure if it would be of use to you, but I have found it has really helped with my anxiety. Worth having a look at if you have the time.

  2. Terrific news — I too am dealing with thesis defense scheduling but it looks like it is not to be this semester. For me, that’s a good thing. Very happy for you, though. It sounds like you’ve worked super hard to make this happen this quarter!

  3. Hey. I have been thinking about you.

    Thesis-wise, it looks like you are doing very, very well. Good work.

    Just about everyone feels depressed at your stage of the thesis process, mental health history not withstanding. All you can do is deal. Which you are. I admire your matter-of-fact tone on the topic.

    Good luck with the rest of it.

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