I’m sitting in my hotel room, waiting to go home. This is infinitely better than sitting in the hotel lobby which is what I’d be doing if I hadn’t arranged to check out late. Still, I hate waiting and I have a lot of it today. Waiting now, waiting during my four hour layover in Dulles, waiting while on the plane. I am tired of being elsewhere, I want to be home.
This trip has been a real challenge for me. At a time when I have difficulty leaving my apt. to go to the grocery store, I have flown across the country. I’m an introvert, which makes things difficult when you are supposed to be meeting new people. I never know what to say. And I felt particularly awkward because I don’t know where my life is going right now. When people asked me why I came to the conference, I couldn’t say, “Well, I’m hoping to be inspired so I can figure out what to do with my life because I’ve kinda lost my interest in just about everything.” Or maybe I could have said the first part. What I said was something about being interested in science outreach and education and those things are sort of true. I mean, I’d like to be more interested in them (I’d like to be more interested in just about anything right now).
Another problem I have with the socializing aspect of conferences is that I have difficulty hearing. If I’m in a crowded room of people talking, I can hear the people right next to me and that’s it. So, on the one hand, I feel uncomfortable talking one on one with a person but on the other hand, if I’m in a group, I can barely hear what people are saying (or just can’t hear them at all). And, all the while, I want to run back to my hotel room, climb in bed, and hide under the covers.
And today, that’s what I did. The talk I was in got out early for the second session and I wanted desperately to go back to the hotel and someone offered me a ride, so I did. I went back to the hotel, skipping the last session and lunch and went back to bed and boy did it feel good. It felt so good, I might even be able to face going out and hobnobbing except that the conference is over and there is no more hobnobbing to be had. Maybe that’s why it felt good, because I knew I wouldn’t be required to socialize anymore.
It’s not that I hate socializing completely. I enjoy being in small groups of people I know. It’s not knowing the people I’m trying to socialize with that’s the problem.
So, now it’s all over and I’m sitting here, praying the rain will stop, or at least that it won’t delay my flight because I think I would go crazy if I couldn’t get home.