As the conference approaches (leaving tomorrow), I have more and more anxiety about the whole thing. I was freaking out about renting a car and maybe getting lost or the car breaking down (not to mention the expense), so I ditched the car and now I’m worried about what happens if I need to go to the store because the airline lost my luggage and I have deodorant. So then I think, well, I’ll bring my deodorant in my carry-on, and an extra shirt and underwear just in case my luggage gets lost and then I worry about my deodorant getting confiscated by security for being the wrong size and then I’m back to the problem of having no deodorant. Maybe the answer is to have two deodorants?
And then there’s the flight back. The conference ends with lunch from noon-2 and my flight’s not until 5pm. Then, there’s a four hour layover in Dulles before the very long flight back. What will I do during all of that time? I hope I can sleep on the flight but that still leaves me with all the extraneous time in the airport. Why this freaks me out, I have no idea. Now, if I was traveling with small children and had to keep them entertained all that time, that might be something to freak out about. But, it’s just myself I have to try to keep entertained.
Somehow, the conference itself doesn’t seem as scary as the traveling, I’m not sure why. I guess because if I completely freak out, I can go hide in my hotel room if I have to. The traveling makes me feel…trapped, I guess. Trapped in one place with no where to go and nothing that can be done if I’m uncomfortable or freaking out.
I hate having all of this anxiety and feeling like I’m completely messed up.