So, now that I have moved to the Bay area and things were looking like they were going to be calm for the next month or so, a new emotional crisis has arisen: my mom is getting a divorce.
My parents got divorced when I was 15 and all I can say about that is thank God because they were absolutely miserable together. Sure, it sucked. Sure, our family was thrown into turmoil and I blamed myself (my parents got married in the first place because my mom was pregnant with me). But, overall, the thing made sense because, for various reasons, my parent’s marriage was a disaster.
Flash forward a few years and my mother got remarried just before my senior year in college. I was happy for her, even if she was treating her older children like they didn’t exist for awhile (Sis was something like 8 or 9 at the time and therefore was still very much a part of Mom’s life whereas I was in school far away in Boston at the time and it was out of sight, out of mind, it seemed). For awhile it was, “2ndhusband this,” and, “2ndhusband that,” and “2ndhusband wants to do this instead of visiting you because 2ndhusband hates the city that you live in,” and that got old fast. But, by and large it looked like 2ndhusband was good for Mom and they were happy together. After a few years, it seemed like Mom was learning how to balance her new husband and her older children and that was great. 2ndhusband still didn’t want to visit my city so Mom came without him. Things were hunky-dory.
Flash forward a few more years and now you have my sister living with her fiance and pregnant. Her fiance can’t keep a job to save his life. Sis and her fiance are really struggling and Mom helps them out every now and again. 2ndhusband doesn’t like that fiance doesn’t work steadily but how can we fix that?
Flash forward more time to present day. Sis and fiance have 2 kids and they are still struggling and Mom is still helping them a little bit. Sis and family are living right around the poverty line. Fiance is now a stay at home dad because he can’t find a job that will pay him enough to have the kids in day care. 2ndhusband is getting more and more upset with this situation. He doesn’t like Fiance. He doesn’t like Mom helping Sis and Fiance. He thinks they should stop helping them entirely because it is wrong to support Fiance when he can’t get a job. They bicker about it.
Then, last week, 2ndhusband announces he wants a divorce. Helping Sis and Fiance is “eating him up inside” and he can’t stand it anymore and since Mom insists on helping them, that’s it, they’re through. He actually tells Mom one of the reasons for the divorce is that he can’t stand she puts her kids before him. What kind of an asshole says something like that?! Other reasons cited: he can’t make her happy anymore (Mom didn’t realize she was unhappy), something about sex (please Mom, don’t need to know anything more about that one), and well, that’s it.
Granted, this is all from Mom’s perspective so we could be missing stuff. But, my mom is baffled. There was no warning, no, “We need to resolve this issue because it is making me unhappy with our marriage,” no, “If things don’t get better, we should consider a divorce,” no nothing. It’s left us all shaking our heads wondering, WTF? WTF is he thinking? Where is this coming from? Is there someone else? Because that might make some sense. Right now, nothing makes sense.
There’s more, so much more, but I think I’ve spilled enough family drama for the day. Now, I need to call my mother.