Why I spill my guts on the internet

Some of you may be wondering why I’ve chosen to write about such a personal thing as having a mental breakdown and my road to recovery.

Here is why.

From Sara:

…What you describe is exactly how I feel and how I think when I’m in an episode. What non-depression-sufferers don’t seem to realize is how well we can hide how dire things are.

And from Anonymous:


I don’t normally comment on blogs, but I will comment today.

I study science too, which is why I subscribe to your blog’s RSS.

Even more of a coincidence is that your post describes exactly what I am going through, also. I mean exactly. Last month I tried an adjustment to medication, and what a mess.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate this post. Thank you for sharing it. It makes me feel better to read this, and I don’t even know why.

The only good thing that could possibly come out of my being mentally ill is if I share my experience and it helps somebody else.  Whether it’s because that person feels better for knowing they’re not alone or because that person knows someone with depression and reading about my depression helps them understand what that person is going through or because that person has never known anyone who is depressed and reading this helps them understand what depression is.


4 thoughts on “Why I spill my guts on the internet

  1. It’s definitely a good thing that you’re able to share your experiences and I hope it’s helped that you’ve found several other bloggers who are dealing with similar issues. For me it’s cathartic and I also seem to have helped a few people. For example, I had several emails and comments from some shy and introverted readers after I posted on how I deal with it to say that they had thought an academic/research career just wasn’t possible for them until they had read my blog.

  2. Agreed entirely, although I’m in a different field of science & dealing with a slightly different set of disorders.

    The experience of depression sucks. Talking/writing about it can help a bit. I’m glad that you’ve kept writing, and will send positive thoughts your way.

  3. That’s why I try to be very open about my illness: people need to see that it’s not uncommon and can affect even very accomplished people. Many of my friends who are now doing well as doctors and lawyers have struggled with depression/anxiety/OCD.

    So far I have not had negative repercussions for being open about it. In fact, it helps explain why my grades were poor at the beginning of undergrad.

    It also comforts me to know that others have gone through the same issues, and more importantly, that they have learned how to manage it so that it doesn’t negatively impact their lives.

    What has helped me manage my anxiety and depression are the following:
    (1) Finding the right medication.
    (2) Learning how to spot the signs early so that I can increase exercise and track my nutrition before I lose the motivation to do so. I find that making sure to eat healthy and exercise consistently helps reduces the attacks by quite a lot.
    (3) Realizing that this is a physical disorder, and that otherwise there isn’t anything wrong with me. The depression doesn’t “mean” anything, it just happens and it *will* pass.
    (4) Make plans to socialize more or be outdoors more.

  4. There’s also another advantage to sharing how you feel… others (hint: me) can shut up whining about how “depressed” they are when it is nowhere near how bad you have it.

    I am sorry you have to go through this, but I guess the good thing is now you have a timeline to be out of lab and move in with your hubby again.

    I hope things will only get better from here ((hugs))

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