Despite my myriad mood and sleeping problems, my benchwork has been coming along just fine. So much so, that I do not have so much of it left and, while I’m waiting for a digestion or a gel or something or other, I have no other benchwork to do.
Now, you might imagine, then, that I would use this suddenly available free time to do something really productive, like, I don’t know….write my thesis, maybe?
You would be wrong.
It seems that this free time is perfect for me to read some blogs, wander around the lab talking to people and, at the height of responsible behavior, download and read an unfinished manuscript in the Twilight series. Yes, that’s right, read trashy teenage vampire romance during normal business hours.
WTF is wrong with me???
I want to graduate, I swear I do, but everytime I sit down to start writing my thesis, I start to hyperventilate and end up coming up with something way more interesting to do like reading all the comments on the latest Drugmonkey post ,or going to go buy tea, or commenting on the status of various friends on Facebook.
Or, you know, writing a blog post.
The few times I have actually started to write, I have written nothing but pure, unadulterated, grade A crap. Absolute crap. Crap that is so crappy I couldn’t possibly show it to my advisor because of its craptacularness. I completely and totally suck at academic writing.
I’m not even trying to write the intro, this is the results section for crying out loud. It really shouldn’t be that hard. But, I’ve never done this before–never written so much as a short correspondence–and now, I’m stuck writing the most important document in my life with no experience whatsoever in this kind of writing, a time limit, and a really bad case of nerves.
Excuse me while I go breathe into a paper bag for awhile.
Everyday, I haul my laptop into lab with the promise to myself that I will write. Just a little bit. Just a couple of paragraphs. Just a few damn sentences. I swear up and down to myself and on the Bible, cross my heart and hope to die, that I will write just one measly little sentence on my thesis and by the end of the day, I’ve read every blog on my blogroll three times, cleaned up my bench, checked my email a billion times, and gone shopping for yarn on the internet. And updated my Amazon.com wish list.
I am so screwed.