I don’t know who I am

Earlier today, I was attempting to download a form for in-school deferment of a student loan (for some reason, my loan came out of deferment, I guess they thought I should have graduated by now; join the club).  To get the form, I had to login to their system.  I knew my login name, but apparently not my password.  I then started getting what they called “Challenge questions.”

What is your grandmother’s maiden name?   I typed it in.

Wrong.  What is your mother’s middle name?  I typed it in.

Wrong.  What is the city of your birth?  I typed it in.

Wrong!  What was the name of your first pet?

WRONG!  What was the make and model of your first car?


I lost it.

I swear to God it was a Buick Skylark you PIECE OF SHIT COMPUTER PROGRAM!!! It was tan and cream and with a beige interior and it had a tape deck and I named it Bud and I stole a no smoking sign and attached it to the dashboard and I had to replace the starter and I got a flat tire once at a state park and some kind soul helped me change the tire and another time on my way to the work the steel belts started coming off another tire and I nearly lost control of THAT BUICK SKYLARK and when I made it to work and my boss put the donut tire on for me and I was driving THAT VERY CAR when I got my one and only speeding ticket (so far) when I was on my way to see my boyfriend and I was going 35 mph in a 25mph zone and 45 in the 35, 55 in the 45 and 65 in the 55 and the cop followed me all that time and I didn’t notice and he finally pulled me over outside of town!!!!

Do you know those kind of details computer program?!?!?  DO YOU?!?!?!

I felt like I was Sandra Bullock in that movie The Net. The program locked me out of my account and emailed me a temporary password.  After consulting with my husband, it turns out he set up the account so he just put RANDOM ANSWERS in to those questions because, he “didn’t want to bug” me.


8 thoughts on “I don’t know who I am

  1. I love the story of your first car. I had a similar car but it was a 78′ Isuzu pickup, as old as I was. I also love how you wrote this post. Very entertaining.
    And I agree that your husband owes you something.

  2. I totally agree with CAE and Jennie–you should be getting lots of pampering for compensation. In response to CAE’s comment that your husband should know those things: my husband can’t even correctly pronounce my real (non-English) name, much less pronounce or spell my mother’s name!

  3. City of birth. Your husband doesn’t know your city of birth?

    The others I could excuse, but that one seems like something he should know.

    Be glad that at least you didn’t have to call customer service and explain that all in person. 🙂

  4. To Sciencewoman: My husband doesn’t even know the city of his own birth, let alone mine. It baffles me.
    I loved this post but my eyes were immediately drawn to the category Cloning Sucks. Amen, amen. I wonder, did you finally get your construct?

  5. Pingback: Which post(s) should I submit? « I Love Science, Really

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